Guilford Develops Drone Program
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| This experimental Guilford drone will be used to track and attack dirty peasants. King of Guilford Spies On Peasants |
The peasants in Guilford have been too quiet in the past few months, which could mean they are plotting something against the King again, according to Mindy Carpsworth Dickinstein, a reporter for the radical magazine The King Sucks. After their failure in the Bonehead War, started a few years ago when a peasant called the King a bonehead, the peasants have been secretly meeting to discuss getting rid of the less than beloved monarch. The word is out that since the King had been wounded by a flying hub cap during the war, he may not have the taste for a new conflict.
"He needs to go," Dickenstein said. "His repressive form of leadership is out of step with the peasant movement of total government dependency without any source of income or political leadership."
"I'm not a politician, I'm a King," the King said. "I demand respect from those who are mere scullery maids in the kitchen of life. Mindy will soon spend a few nights in the Whips and Chains Play Room if my militia catches her in Guilford."
A Guilford Company, Things That Fly, has just developed the drone pictured above to spy on peasants. The King thinks it's just a swell idea.
"Who writes these stories?" the King said. "I've never said any idea was swell. The King isn't some kind of pansy. It' a logistical and dynamic development in spy technology armed with rockets."
(Saying the King had a swell idea is a death penalty offense #62174B Saying the King Does Anything Swell or Amazing. This is a companion to death penalty offense #62174A Singing A Country Song Anywhere Within 100 Yards Of The King, which includes, I've Got Friends In Low Places or anything by Elvis.)
The new drone was developed after a session with the King to determine what would be needed to make peasants stare upward. The drone also includes the sound of a squeaky toy, which has been proven to attract peasants, both male and female. It also carries six 122 mm rockets, each carrying 40 pounds of TNT in warheads.
"There is nothing like the bottom half of a shapely woman and the sound of a squeaky toy to make all peasants look toward the camera," the King said. "Any gathering of two or more peasants will be filmed for subversive activity."
When asked if he would use rockets against his own people, the King said, "Of course not, well, uh, we can't say, uh, maybe or maybe not, uh, trust us."
A Guilford Company, Things That Fly, has just developed the drone pictured above to spy on peasants. The King thinks it's just a swell idea.
"Who writes these stories?" the King said. "I've never said any idea was swell. The King isn't some kind of pansy. It' a logistical and dynamic development in spy technology armed with rockets."
(Saying the King had a swell idea is a death penalty offense #62174B Saying the King Does Anything Swell or Amazing. This is a companion to death penalty offense #62174A Singing A Country Song Anywhere Within 100 Yards Of The King, which includes, I've Got Friends In Low Places or anything by Elvis.)
The new drone was developed after a session with the King to determine what would be needed to make peasants stare upward. The drone also includes the sound of a squeaky toy, which has been proven to attract peasants, both male and female. It also carries six 122 mm rockets, each carrying 40 pounds of TNT in warheads.
"There is nothing like the bottom half of a shapely woman and the sound of a squeaky toy to make all peasants look toward the camera," the King said. "Any gathering of two or more peasants will be filmed for subversive activity."
When asked if he would use rockets against his own people, the King said, "Of course not, well, uh, we can't say, uh, maybe or maybe not, uh, trust us."
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| Any gathering of dirty peasants like the above in Guilford will be subject to drone strikes. Contact the King if you dare.
Listen to the King sing a song.
"I wasn't always just a pretty face," the King of Guilford says. "I'm was a singer before I became royalty."
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