WANTED:Rick "the Dick" Tick

Watch out for this one. Keep your pants up, dirty peasants.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Drag Your Peasant Through The Creek Days

Image
It's that time of the year again in Guilford, Indiana, where the peasants, like Christmas lights, hang from the trees year round. Every Saturday in September will be the late summer Drag Your Peasant Through The Creek Day. All Guilford residents are eligible to participate. Peasants being dragged must weigh at least 90 pounds and have arms and legs when the contest begins (artificial legs and arms acceptable). Draggers may not drag their wives, husbands, or other immediate family members. No four-wheelers allowed: horses only. The contest will be judged on speed, skips and bounces across boulders, and how much the peasant screams. First place will receive one brand new trained peasant from the Guilford Castle. Second place through last place get free beer and one night (without torture) chained in the Guilford dungeons. The King of Guilford says: "This replaces the annual drop your peasant in the creek day because the twelve-million dollar, two-hundred foot high tower c...
Read more

German Author In Guilford

Image
The King's German cousin makes an entry into the mystery market. King's Cousin To Release Mystery Gunther G. Gonzo had never written a mystery before he moved to Guilford. "I based it on a story I had heard from a police officer in Berlin. I added a few things, like a huge collective farm in dairy country, and a rodeo, a big city bar, and the missing chicken." "It's a spy novel," the King said. "The lead character is named Dennis so how could I not like it. Everyone knows that everyone on the planet was named Dennis until they did something wrong. Dennis represents purity and virtue." "Yeah, that's it," Gonzo told reporters. "The midget on the cover is the lead character's right hand man, Jacko. The chicken and the model are also from the dungeon kitchen." "We got a big dungeon," the King said. Mindy Raghorn Wallace Gippy, a Guilford fugitive reporter from The King Sucks magazine, w...
Read more

Group Claims Guilford Peasants Are Psychotic

Image
Typical Guilford peasants love to pose for pictures, but it's best just to toss money at them and not stray too close. According to a radical newsletter The King Sucks, Guilford peasants, including all children, are considered to be psychotic by current medical standards. Mindy Cox-Feeler, peasant advocate and editor, has been under a death sentence in Guilford for the past four years because of the newsletter. "The King must be overthrown," she said. "His insane policies have created a society of possibly inbred idiots who don't know what's good for them. The situation could possibly be caused from a number of factors, including the short lifespan of a Guilford peasant due to executions, lack of proper food, a loving family unit, and constant work in the fields without education. What it boils down to is they bite." "Mindy will hang from the Guilford traffic light when I catch her," the King said. "She's just some ri...
Read more