Guilford's Job Ready Peasants Seek Employment

A typical job seminar in Guilford isn't very exciting since the pay is low
and there are so many laws governing workers.
(These peasants were hanged for falling asleep while the King was explaining yard work at the Guilford Castle.)
Death Penalty #536471 Falling Asleep While The King Speaks To Dumbass Peasants



Things That Work Lists Available Peasants

Every company in Guilford is owned in part by the King. The company names must start with Things That. So Guilford has Things That Fly, Things That Smell, Things That Blow Up, etc. The newest kingdom backed effort is Things That Work. Prospective employers can hire cream of the crop peasants for cheap labor or any other need. The agency and the King take up to 40% of the peasant's minimum wage salary, but since the alternative is torture or being hanged, peasants don't complain much. Here are the available peasants for hire in the coming week.

Harvey Lee Brusinski

Like most peasants, Harvey sometimes likes to fight when drunk so you may not want to include alcohol with employment. His most valuable asset is the ability to actually make people believe he is Bruce Willis filming another Die Hard/ Part 90. This can often lead to free meals and VIP treatment when you take him somewhere. Loves to wear dirty and bloody clothing. Available right now.







Donald Duckworth McNally

Donald stands out in a crowd. At 6' 9" tall, he appears to be a modern art masterpiece. He is best suited for open area, rural work because he tends to draw crowds of people trying to figure out what kind of psychosis made him render himself completely unemployable in the outside world. Like most peasants listed here, except for Harvey above, you would never say, "Hey, he looks like old whats-his-face." He is best suited for tearing out stumps or acting like a totem pole.






Bill "Loverboy" Balberith

Want a babysitter to scare the hell out of your kids or old relatives? Old Bill can fill that role. A large percentage of Guilford peasants make themselves unemployable in the outside world. Psychiatrists believe it's because they are raised under the yoke of a psychotic King. Bill only has one arm after he chewed the other one off in an escape attempt. He said he would rather die than live in Guilford, and the King granted his wish. So hurry and hire him because he is due to be executed in late June.





Leroy Abdul Hatfield

Leroy has a psychotic hair style popular in the outside world: the mother me I need help look that makes most people shake their heads. Who told this idiot that making your hair look like you just got off a boxcar would help you get laid? There is no record of his birth in Guilford, and some speculate it's Brad Pitt getting into character for a new movie role. The agency has had to hide him from the King. "If it's Brad Pitt," the King said, "he better get out of here before he becomes Barbecue Pitt."
Hire him for something and save a peasant life.





Contact email:

If no reply, company personnel have been hanged by the King.



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