Witchcraft Trials and the DUI Laws

Witchcraft Trials and the DUI Laws
The King's solution to traffic volume in Guilford is a law (the no-fault, no insurance, drive drunk plan) that requires all peasants to drive under the influence: more wrecks=less junky SUVs on the road. Individual states outside Guilford do not feel that way. They promote their new cash cow by warning consumers not to drink and drive. Yet, many states continue to promote a higher percent of alcohol in drinks. They help create addiction and then ruin the lives of those who get addicted. One local court official stated that, "DUI is the popular crime of the day. You can get out of jail faster for shooting someone."
The King, using all the intelligence he could muster after a night of drunken poker and a philosophical discussion with the Pope, came up with this comparison.
Witchcraft Trials
Laws created by the Catholic Church to obtain land and possessions of people.
DUI Law
Laws created by states to take possessions, including car and all your money.
Witchcraft Trials
Once accused of witchcraft you lost all your rights and property and you went to jail, before trial.
DUI Law
Once accused of DUI you lose your license and they impound your car and you go to jail, before trial.
Witchcraft Trials
You could get a lawyer, but you were always guilty before any trial. The court always believed the accuser.
DUI Law
You can get a lawyer, but you are always guilty before any trial. The court always believes the accuser.
Witchcraft Trials
If you would not admit guilt through torture, you were still automatically guilty.
DUI Law
Even if you pass alcohol test, you are still guilty because of zero tolerance.
Witchcraft Trials
Those in charge were often psychotic criminals who violated the same laws they enforced.
DUI Law
Those in charge can be psychotic criminals and some of the worst drunks on the road.
Witchcraft Trials
A mole on your back could lead to arrest for witchcraft.
DUI Law
With zero tolerance, one drink and you can be arrested for DUI.
Witchcraft Trials
You had to pay for your own torture and trial.
DUI Law
You pay for your own trial and following treatment whether you need it or not.
Witchcraft Trials
You were executed and all your property, including land and houses belonged to the state.
DUI Law
This will be coming your way soon.
(BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE BRING BACK PROHIBITION EXCEPT IN GUILFORD FUND)
(and Brain Trauma, the official Guilford Beer)

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