New DUI Law In Guilford
GUILFORD ENFORCES NEW DUI LAW Based on an Ohio law, and in a stunning reversal of the former Guilford law that required everyone to drive drunk, King Dennis of Guilford has ordered all peasants convicted of having even one drink to be marked with a permanent scarlet DP across their foreheads. The DP stands for Drunk Peasant. Every member of the guilty peasant's family, going back three generations, will also be required to sport the DP on their foreheads. This should not be confused with other DP forehead markings common in Guilford... Dead Peasant (white tattoo)...Dumb Prick (green tattoo). "My law requiring everyone to drive drunk served its purpose," the King said. "We got rid of thousands of crappy SUVs in Guilford, and now it's time to force some more money out of peasants by reversing the law. We'll make a fortune because Guilford's Brain Trauma Beer has thirty percent alcohol and every peasant in Guilford above age four is a drunk.