Pictures From The Guilford Castle at Christmas

A Concise Christmas Photo Tour of the Guilford Castle (click photos to enlarge)


The King is usually in turmoil and can be quite direct with his subjects (see sign at far left), but then he seems to show Christmas spirit by the sign on the brick wall at right; until one of the servants let it slip that the sign was on the entrance to the Guilford Dungeon.






The left photo shows Fred, the King's favorite peasant, hanging around the Castle Play Room. "He doesn't say much anymore," the King said. "And I can beat him at chess."



On the right, the King's party crown is only brought out for special dinners or peasant hangings.


The King's Card Game weapons: a stainless 45 caliber with special grips and 230 grain hollowpoints, and a 25 caliber double shot derringer. (He once had to pull both on a past Pope and the late John Gotti during marathon poker games. That funfest can be found in the Guilford historical record.) The King always carries both, which can make it difficult to slow dance with the Queen.





The sword rack in the Whips and Chains Play and Exercise Room displays some of the weapons the King may use on a typical day to skewer a peasant who pisses him off. The King prefers the Roman Gladius, but the Queen likes the big pointy axe.
(The tour will continue in another episode, and really didn't have nothing to do with Christmas because the tree wasn't up yet. This tour was more for outsiders who don't believe the King is a real person who governs actual dirty peasants.)

Comments

Anonymous said…
My Father the King is a wonderful man. He who keeps the Dirty Peasants in line rule the earth. Respect my family or "off with your heads! Dirty Peasants!"

Princess Lindalou of Guilford
December 29, 2010 at 4:09 PM
Unknown said…
The King agrees with the royal princess.
December 29, 2010 at 4:18 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Torture In Guilford: Humane And Healthy Way

Image
Forget psychologists and their waterboarding, sleep deprival, beatings and starvation. The U.S. Government should have contracted with Guilford to get information from enemies, according to the King. "We've always had a solution in Guilford. I'm not saying we don't torture for fun here. Some of these dirty peasants deserve it. There is nothing more exciting than seeing a toothless peasant dangling by the crotch or neck from a traffic light. But when we really need to get answers from terrorists, we use one thing that works and is also covered by many healthcare providers and is performed maybe a thousand times a day all over the country. I'm talking about the angiogram . Check an enemy for heart disease and then obtain all the information you can handle." The Guilford Torture Manual* * section 14/page 297 revised with added diagnostics and a free yo-yo. The Angiogram 1. Take terrorist to cold room full of strange pulsing machines and str
Read more

German Author In Guilford

Image
The King's German cousin makes an entry into the mystery market. King's Cousin To Release Mystery Gunther G. Gonzo had never written a mystery before he moved to Guilford. "I based it on a story I had heard from a police officer in Berlin. I added a few things, like a huge collective farm in dairy country, and a rodeo, a big city bar, and the missing chicken." "It's a spy novel," the King said. "The lead character is named Dennis so how could I not like it. Everyone knows that everyone on the planet was named Dennis until they did something wrong. Dennis represents purity and virtue." "Yeah, that's it," Gonzo told reporters. "The midget on the cover is the lead character's right hand man, Jacko. The chicken and the model are also from the dungeon kitchen." "We got a big dungeon," the King said. Mindy Raghorn Wallace Gippy, a Guilford fugitive reporter from The King Sucks magazine, w
Read more

Zoo To Release Animals In Mount Airy Forest

Image
Some of the animals to look for in Mt. Airy after the Wednesday release. GNS News: April 4, Cincinnati: Cincinnati Zoo To Release Zoo Animals In Mt. Airy Forest Due to budget cuts caused by the continued dispute over street car issues, parking, and their own salaries, the mayor's office approved a plan to release lions, cheetahs, three wolfs, two elephants, a rhino, and a giant python in Mt. Airy Forest Friday morning April 4, 2018. "We can no longer afford to feed them," a zoo official said late Sunday night. "This forces us to go along with the release program." The unidentified zoo spokesperson, who was not authorized to release information, said there would be a certain risk involved to surrounding communities, especially from the predators. "Mt. Airy Forest has over fifteen hundred acres in the center of several communities. We are asking   that everyone avoid the picnic areas and their backyards during this trying t
Read more