New DUI Law In Guilford


GUILFORD ENFORCES NEW DUI LAW
Based on an Ohio law, and in a stunning reversal of the former Guilford law that required everyone to drive drunk, King Dennis of Guilford has ordered all peasants convicted of having even one drink to be marked with a permanent scarlet DP across their foreheads. The DP stands for Drunk Peasant. Every member of the guilty peasant's family, going back three generations, will also be required to sport the DP on their foreheads.



This should not be confused with other DP forehead markings common in Guilford...Dead Peasant (white tattoo)...Dumb Prick (green tattoo).


"My law requiring everyone to drive drunk served its purpose," the King said. "We got rid of thousands of crappy SUVs in Guilford, and now it's time to force some more money out of peasants by reversing the law. We'll make a fortune because Guilford's Brain Trauma Beer has thirty percent alcohol and every peasant in Guilford above age four is a drunk."


The Ohio law that the King calls "a genius example of pure psychosis created to bankrupt the middle class by punishing them for nothing more than existing" was obviously created to deny basic rights to entire families. If someone is convicted of a drunk operation offense, the entire family has to get yellow plates with scarlet letters.

"States really knows how to pork their people right in the butt," the King said. "In Guilford, anyone operating anything, with or without a motor, including battery operated remote control cars or pogo sticks, can be charged with drunk operation and be required to get the tattoo for each family member at six hundred bucks a whack. What a great scam."

Observers conclude that the Guilford law won't apply to the filthy rich, politicians, or drunken members of the Guilford Militia, making Guilford just like any other community.

(pictured above)
Drunken Dave With New Scarlet "Drunk Peasant" Tattoo

(He used to get a free license for driving drunk, but now he's a criminal.)


Comments

Anonymous said…
This King of Guilford is a sick puppy and I would hate to paly cards with him and win.
October 31, 2010 at 5:29 PM
Anonymous said…
Thanks to this new law my Daddy, Dennis King of Guilford built me a new castle and paid for a European vacation. Thank you for being a genius.

Princess Lindalou of Guilford
December 29, 2010 at 4:24 PM
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