Lettuce And Brain Rot


The King Makes A Profound Statement

Lettuce Will Rot Your Brain

The King hates lettuce, and Guilford scientists discovered yesterday (under duress) the lettuce link that causes Brain Drisslemonius, or a brain turning to liquid and coming out the nose. It's a rare disease, but one that has been given little attention over the years because no one could figure out the cause.
Now, scientists in Sweden have conducted a study and found conclusive evidence that eating lettuce will destroy all brain function and turn you into a vegetable. It's always been known that lettuce is useless. There are no health benefits to eating lettuce, other than the fact that restaurants get rich charging a fortune for salads with lettuce.
The phrase "let us begin" came from the word lettuce and seems to be the only significance from lettuce. Spinach is much better and will give you "arms the size of Popeye," one scientist said.
So far the disease has seemed to hit only politicians and peasants in Guilford. And since this story is completely made up, the King wants to thank you for reading it to its anti-climatic end.

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