Group Claims Guilford Peasants Are Psychotic

Typical Guilford peasants love to pose for pictures,
but it's best just to toss money at them and not stray too close.

According to a radical newsletter The King Sucks, Guilford peasants, including all children, are considered to be psychotic by current medical standards. Mindy Cox-Feeler, peasant advocate and editor, has been under a death sentence in Guilford for the past four years because of the newsletter. "The King must be overthrown," she said. "His insane policies have created a society of possibly inbred idiots who don't know what's good for them. The situation could possibly be caused from a number of factors, including the short lifespan of a Guilford peasant due to executions, lack of proper food, a loving family unit, and constant work in the fields without education. What it boils down to is they bite."

"Mindy will hang from the Guilford traffic light when I catch her," the King said. "She's just some rich girl with three names."  In Guilford, a peasant woman with three names is automatically sentenced to death under death penalty offense #612375-X...having an extra name because your husband's name wasn't good enough for you.

The King admits his peasants are considered to be repressed by the outside world, but they still love him, despite the 17 attempts on his life and 2000 executions last year. A total of 146 tourists either disappeared or were bitten by peasants in 2013. The Guilford Militia has tried to keep the situation under control, but its ranks were depleted due to budget cuts and the recent Bonehead War in Guilford.

The King laughed about the criticism. "The only difference between the Guilford Kingdom and the rest of the United States is I don't lie to my peasants. When I say they will hang if they sing a country song around me and they do, I will hang them without ninety appeals or higher court rulings."

The King also talked about the coming year. "I keep trying to get the U.S. to declare war on Guilford so I can get money to build a new castle after they bomb the old one. But right now, they seem to be in more financial trouble than Guilford. I may even have to lend them money this year to repair any damage done by previous administrations."

The confusing Guilford traffic light that also doubles as a hanging tree.
Obey this light, if you can figure it out, or hang from it. The King doesn't care.

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