Last Peasant From Bonehead War Hanged


The Guilford traffic light collapsed last year under the weight of hanging peasants.

The Hangings That Changed Guilford

It happened a few years ago and changed life in Guilford since that time. Historians called it the Bonehead War. A peasant called the King of Guilford "a bonehead with the brain function of shredded wheat", and began a conflict that cost over 2000 lives and a King wounded by a flying hubcap.

King Dennis of Guilford had ordered an immediate attack by the militia and added, "I'm not angry about being called a bonehead, but we can't have dirty peasants here speaking in complete coherent sentences and talking bad about my favorite breakfast cereal."

The King and his "mad militia" won the war, but the hangings weren't over until last weekend when the last peasant captured during the Bonnelle Battle was hanged in front of the Post Office.
 
The Guilford Traffic Light worked very well for traffic tickets. Placed as a trap to get peasants to run red lights and face a possible death penalty, the traffic light collapsed under the weight of dirty peasants because it was also used as a hanging tree for executions. It has not been replaced. Peasants had stopped using the intersection because no one could understand the light.
 
"There is only one main crossing street in Guilford," a nameless peasant said. "Only an idiot would put a light like that there in the first place. It looked like a Christmas tree with human ornaments."

"The light will return," the King said. "I'm just glad that Scooter Barnes is hanging at the Post Office, and that nameless peasant will be with him when we find him."

Calling the King an idiot is Death Penalty Offense #103 out of 292,000 death penalty offenses in Guilford.

Using a Pamper disguise didn't help Scooter Barnes evade capture during the Bonehead War.
( It was a used Pamper stolen from a peasant baby.) He is still hanging out at the Post Office in Guilford.


 

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