King of Guilford Loses CIA and Twinkie Contracts In Scam Probe

Guilford Clown Cartel members have trouble blending in so their use as intelligence operatives
is compromised, says the CIA. The King says they are nuts. They blend in fine.

CIA Dumps Guilford Operatives

According to the Guilford King, the above picture shows a Guilford Militia CIA contractor (middle) outside a hotel in Syria, posing as a Muslim rebel soldier in the ongoing conflict...days before CIA the current director again canceled the sixteen million dollar contract to use contractors from Guilford.

"The King lied again," a former CIA director said. "I bet they weren't even in Syria. Muslims don't wear clown noses. That looks like the library in Guilford."

"Consider the source," the King said. "These are guys who think with their wiener and wallets. He wouldn't know the difference between a library and Syria. Of course, Muslims use clown noses when they don't have any other disguises, and most of the Muslims fighting in Syria aren't even from Syria. And Guilford doesn't have a library because dirty peasants don't read."

The CIA again requested their money back. The King refused and even submitted a bill for damaged clown cars, clown cannons and nets for catching the clowns after they get fired out of the cannons.

"They put on a good show for those fun loving rebel soldiers," the King said. "Turns out they are the same people we fight in Afghanistan, but we give them money in Syria. The real clowns are in DC."

(The CIA is blaming Guilford in secret memos on the scary clowns running around the country. The King said: "We can't make money standing around scaring people. We are spies, not party clowns.")

  

A Guilford CIA contractor killed in Syria gets buried inside a giant Twinkie. Half of it was eaten at the funeral.
Now, with the demise of the old Twinkies, the King may have to furnish a real coffin.


The King is on Amazon (under a secret spy name). Figure it out and win spy of the week.