Guilford Speed Limit Now 100

Peasants gather at first wreck since Guilford raised the speed limit. The King claims
this a good thing. It creates employment, sells more gas, and helps to curb
the peasant population.

 
King Raises Speed Limit To 100
 
The King of Guilford has raised the speed limit in Guilford once again. Now, it's 100 mph on all roads, including dirt roads and tar paths.
 
"Texas is trying to make news by raising their speed limit to eighty-five," the King said. "But eighty-five is the speed limit for peasant school zones in Guilford. I believe that speed is a good thing for a school zone, and it should be triple digits on the highway."
 
Mindy Falsworth Clagendorn, publisher of the radical magazine The King Sucks, claims that the King is trying to discourage children from attending school so they can toil in the fields, and is also trying to get rid of SUVs in Guilford.
 
"That psychopath is violating every human right known to man," Mindy said. "And something needs to be done."
 
"I tried getting the United States to bomb me," the King said. "Then they would give me free money to rebuild everything, but no one is interested because they say there isn't any money to be made bombing a kingdom within one of their own states. Besides, a King doesn't payoff politicians like big corporations do, and I don't cultivate illegal drugs so they don't have a profitable interest in Guilford."

When asked about the claim he hates SUVs, the King said. "They are just a glorified stationwagon and I hate stationwagons. They get in the way of my Indy car. Besides, peasants shouldn't drive anyway."

When asked about The King Sucks Magazine, the King smiled.

"The publisher has three names. Obviously her husband's name wasn't good enough for her so she probably hates men. A trip to the Guilford Dungeon will straighten her act out."

The new speed limit went into effect last week. Guilford has had 17 traffic deaths and 5 off-road vehicle deaths in cornfields since then.

Contact the King, if you dare.
 
 

 
 


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