Keeping It Clean


King's Free Bathtubs To Peasants Program
Under a new Guilford program, the King will give two bear claw bathtubs and dragging ropes to peasant men with erectile dysfunction.
   "When their time is right for sex, I want peasants to be able to drag their tubs to any beach or mountain top and stare at the horizon."
   The King admits that he doesn't have a clue what separate bathtubs on mountain tops or beaches mean to the sex life of dysfunctional peasants.
  "They advertise it hard out in the world for their boner pills so bathtubs must mean something in the peasants world of sex. I prefer the whips and chains play room."
  Under Guilford Law: Death penalty offense #73669 Inability To Work Due To Sex Related Back Injury....a Peasant will be executed for becoming unemployable after dragging bathtubs around.
 "We do need more peasants," the King said. "But I would use the tubs for baths and that would be a better sex enhancement for a dirty peasant."

 (typical sexually frustrated dirty peasant)


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Drag Your Peasant Through The Creek Days

Image
It's that time of the year again in Guilford, Indiana, where the peasants, like Christmas lights, hang from the trees year round. Every Saturday in September will be the late summer Drag Your Peasant Through The Creek Day. All Guilford residents are eligible to participate. Peasants being dragged must weigh at least 90 pounds and have arms and legs when the contest begins (artificial legs and arms acceptable). Draggers may not drag their wives, husbands, or other immediate family members. No four-wheelers allowed: horses only. The contest will be judged on speed, skips and bounces across boulders, and how much the peasant screams. First place will receive one brand new trained peasant from the Guilford Castle. Second place through last place get free beer and one night (without torture) chained in the Guilford dungeons. The King of Guilford says: "This replaces the annual drop your peasant in the creek day because the twelve-million dollar, two-hundred foot high tower c...
Read more

King Takes Impossible Jeopardy Test

Image
(This article explains why Alex Trebek no longer has a mustache. He is trying to disguise himself in case he ever slips across the border into Guilford on his way back to Canada. There is a rumor that Alex Trebek has rented a bus to take every actor, comic and politician who says they will leave the country if Trump gets elected...out of the country to Canada or maybe Libya or maybe Saudi Arabia where they can enjoy their lives. They may find life in Mosul right up their alley.) Alex Trebek has been sentenced to death in Guilford under death penalty offense #42173/ Pissing Off the King With A Stupid Online Test. "If he ever comes to Guilford, he will be instantly hanged without trial or ceremony in front of St. Bluebeard Church." The King also announced free admission to all peasants bringing rocks to throw at Trebek. The King is so mad that any peasants who resemble Trebek will also be executed. Anyone in Guilford who isn't bald and has a mustache is in trouble....
Read more

How To Get A Politician To Listen To You (Relevant today)

Image
This blue boner will get you attention in DC. How To Get A Politician To Listen To You Price Cut from 14.95 to 8.95 The King of Guilford knows what it's like to be scorned as a dirty peasant; to be told you are one of the "little people" that Judge Ginsberg referred to in a speech. Unless, of course, she meant from the movie Darby O'Gill and the Little People, which the King knows was not in her mind at the time. She was probably waiting for the sound of the simple noise maker pictured above. The King wasn't always a King, and rose from the ranks of peasant after getting drunk and winning a fortune at cards and announcing he was King at three in the morning and challenging anyone in Guilford to dispute his claim. No one came outside so he has been King ever since.  That's why a King backed Guilford company Things That Make Noise  is now selling the Politician M agnet , guaranteed to draw every DC politician to instant attention and listen to wha...
Read more