Flash From The Past: Gunshot Wounds Now Considered Swine Flu

(Written during the great Swine flu supposed epidemic back in 2009 when the taxpayer got stuck paying for a bunch of government bought vaccine no one needed.)

The Swine Flu is everywhere in Guilford, according to the Guilford Health Department. The King charges for the vaccine, which he says is abundant in Guilford.

"There are always shortages when stuff is free," the King said. "But when you charge for it, we never run out."

Peasants must get the vaccine in Guilford or face death under new law #6241 Refusing An Injection For An Obscure Disease Created In A Guilford Lab. If they show any symptoms at all, peasants will be bound by law to be injected with the Swine Flu vaccine manufactured by Things That Sting, a King owned company.

Each family will be charged $200 per peasant, except for the first week of November when the vaccine will be half priced according to the sign on the Guilford General Store. Since it is impossible to tell who has Swine Flu, Guilford has decided to follow the U.S. example of branding any symptom or death as being Swine Flu.

Here is the new current list of Swine Flu Symptoms added to the usual symptoms one would expect with the flu:

(If Guilford residents have any of the following symptoms and are still alive, they must receive a Swine Flu injection.)

1. Gunshot Wounds

2. Stab Wounds

3. Car wreck

4. Nose Bleed after being punched

5. Hangover

6. Stubbed toe

7. Horny

8. Drug addiction

9. Syphilis

10.Sudden death (if revived)

When asked if the vaccine is about making profit, the King said, "It's more about control of my rather easily led peasants."