Wall Street Bankers Copy Guilford Idea

The dirty peasants in the picture all had four things in common:
1. They lived in Guilford.
2. Each had a million dollar life insurance policy.
3. They all died within the past month.
4. The King of Guilford collected on their life insurance policies.

Following the success of a peasant program Drive Drunk that got rid of gas hogs in Guilford by ordering everyone who owned an SUV to drive drunk, the King bought up life insurance policies from dirty peasants for less than half the value and collected when many of them died wrecking those SUVs. Now, Wall Street bankers are going to buy up million dollar life insurance policies from old people for four hundred thousand dollars and then collect a million dollars when they croak. They plan to bundle the policies in groups and sell them to speculators based on how long the people covered by the insurance policies will live.

"It's nice to know that Wall Street admires your work," the King said. "There is nothing these people won't do to make a buck."

A local radical newsletter, The King Sucks, claims the average life expectancy of a Guilford peasant is about six weeks after the King buys their life insurance policy.

"Peasants here don't live long, anyway," the King said. "When you're not worth two dead flies alive, but you're worth a million when you croak, anyone who sells their own life insurance policy shouldn't expect to last much longer." When asked about the Wall Street plan, the King said, "You would have a better chance of surviving a Mafia contract on your life."

In other news, King Dennis still hopes the United States will declare war on Guilford so he can get some money to rebuild after they bomb the town.