Guilford Boy Scouts: Flash From The Past

FROM THE PUBLIC RELATIONS OFFICE OF THE KING OF GUILFORD
Members of the Guilford Royal Boy Scouts, a teenage version of the Guilford Militia, won their first merit badge for hunting when open season on dirty peasants began at 12:01 A.M. on the 10th of April. (The attached picture shows the Royal Boy Scouts in their seasonal Spring Garb with their first dirty peasant. The King's picture is on the back of each uniform.)
"It's a program I started when I first became King," the King said. "We lost several militia during recent wars and I have to do something to replace them. The program is based on the military training regimen. We also use several techniques used to train U.S. Secret Service Agents."

The Guilford Boy Scouts, all members of upper class Guilford families, carry only pistols until they become full fledged militia.
In addition to hunting, the Scouts must earn badges in:
1. Cussing Peasants
2. Stomping Peasants
3. Hanging two peasants from one tree.
4. Bingo calling
5. Tax collection
6. Burning houses
7. The proper way to wear sunglasses.
8. Falling prostrate when the King enters a room.
9. All 270,000 of the Guilford Death Penalty Offenses.
They must also survive three months as a food taster at the Guilford Castle, and pass a battery of psychological tests to make sure they are sexually repressed and psychotic. Department of Defense personnel are examining the Guilford Scout program for possible use in the United States military.

Brought To You By:Things That Fly(A Guilford Company)"If it crashes and burns, it's by Things that Fly."

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Anonymous said…
The King lives on forever.
November 13, 2008 at 6:56 PM
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