The "Bonehead War" In Guilford

New fighting between dirty peasants and the Guilford Militia erupted this morning in what is being called The Bonehead War. During a subversive gathering, one mile west of the Guilford Castle, a peasant rally turned deadly when Jerry Wilson, 25, called the King "an ignorant bonehead with the brain function of shredded wheat."
King Dennis of Guilford ordered an immediate attack by the militia and added, "I'm not angry about being called a bonehead, but we can't have peasants here speaking in complete coherent sentences and talking bad about my favorite breakfast cereal."

The battle lasted until noon when the peasants were defeated. The Guilford Militia lost three dead. Fourteen peasants were reported killed, and the King was struck in the knee with a flying hubcap. (The picture above shows the remains of Jerry Wilson's belongings after he escaped.)
Guilford had just recovered from the Bingo Hall Peasant Squatter Fire of the previous week, and now the fires have spread unchecked again.
"Most peasants adapt well to grovelling," the King said."There are always a few guerilla peasants, and I'll burn this place to the ground to root them out. The fires also look cool as a background when I play my eight-track copy of Disco Inferno."
The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) has called an emergency regional meeting to level fines against Guilford for air pollution. When told Guilford may be fined, the King grabbed himself between the legs and said: "Let'em put a fine on this."

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