October 8th Columbus Day Guilford Version: His Bladder Led To America
It's Columbus Day. My post office is closed. Good for them. Columbus was one of my heroes. He is often considered on the same level as Hitler because he discovered America and the Indians ended up being conned out of their land. Like it was really their land. Like it was his fault. It's like saying the King of Guilford is evil just because I hang criminal peasants. (That kind of thinking comes from unemployed peasants with time for crime on their hands. The kind of peasants I hang so it is a natural balance in nature where the strong survive and the weak get hanged.) Columbus was a drunk, but he was a smart guy. A rare manuscript from the Guilford archives shows America was really discovered by mistake. Here is a conversation recorded on parchment by Luis de Torres of Portugal, the Santa Maria historian, when Columbus discovered America. First Mate: Why are we stopping here? Columbus: I have to pee. First Mate: Pee off the side of the ship. Columbus: I'm