King of Guilford News

DORTHO THE ARTIST Dortho burst on to the scene last last week during a talent contest in Guilford. Some say it's Queen Dorothy, but others whisper than it's a dungeon peasant doing the artwork. No matter what, a major talent has erupted in Guilford and is taking the outside world by storm. The King hasn't made a comment and won't say whether Dortho art will be on the castle walls. Dortho, like most of Guilford, is a complete mystery to the outside world.That may soon change with conceptual art like ARMY ANTS, which at times has been confused with the brilliant ROCK CLIMBERS...but that happens when genius is discovered. Dortho is captivating the art world in a way most people don't understand. "I love it," peasant Grinda Burnwall said. "I don't know why, but I want one." Many others seem captivated as well. Soon, Dortho may soon be a household name. For the first time anywhere. New abstract by rising star, Dortho.  Critics...

A Jimmy Carter quote was the inspiration for this inspirational poster of the late Lester Ray Goober. (A Special Section) Past President Quotes (from the King of Guilford) The King of Guilford doesn't have a lot of spare time between fighting wars and hanging peasants and taking care of the only kingdom in the continental United States. When he does have time he puts together books that most Guilford peasants would never comprehend, while most of the outside world ignores an obvious genius. His new project involves quotes from past Presidents that are relevant to their character. Everyone within a hundred miles of Plains, Georgia cashed in on the Jimmy Carter craze back in the 70's. People down south made all kinds of consumer gifts with Plains, Georgia engraved on them. Tourists flocked to Plains to buy these things. The King of Guilford knew this first hand because he was living down there at the time and worked a summer at GoldKist during the peanut harvest driv...