King of Guilford News

Guilford In Pictures The King poses for the first issue of Guilford Life Magazine. Guilford Peasants need instruction for everything. Since 2003, 61 peasants have had hands removed by mishandled chainsaws. Peasants complain the saws were being held by the Guilford Militia at the time. The King denies the charges. The Prince poses between his Guilford Militia bodyguard and a typical dirty peasant. First 2004 Guilford Christmas Stamp (Model posed after chainsaw accident) Typical "can and board" Guilford air conditioner system. Dennis Latham Novels More Dennis Latham Books Write to the King, you peasant...   

King's Free Bathtubs To Peasants Program Under a new Guilford program, the King will give two bear claw bathtubs and dragging ropes to peasant men with erectile dysfunction.    "When their time is right for sex, I want peasants to be able to drag their tubs to any beach or mountain top and stare at the horizon."    The King admits that he doesn't have a clue what separate bathtubs on mountain tops or beaches mean to the sex life of dysfunctional peasants.   "They advertise it hard out in the world for their boner pills so bathtubs must mean something in the peasants world of sex. I prefer the whips and chains play room."   Under Guilford Law: Death penalty offense #73669 Inability To Work Due To Sex Related Back Injury ....a Peasant will be executed for becoming unemployable after dragging bathtubs around.  "We do need more peasants," the King said. "But I would use the tubs for baths and that would be a better sex enhancement for a dirty ...